Hello again. I haven’t been the most active writer, but recently I have been given the push that I needed. A bunch of things happened since my last update. Okay, that was March/April. I’ll just do a really brief summary of my timeline thus far.
May/June- Finals. Lots of studying and slacking and panicking. I read some new favourites during this time: The Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas. More on that later.
July- Slacking. Lots of relaxing. I went on a class trip with my classmates to Penang. It was really fun, and my first time doing so, I enjoyed myself a lot. More outings and running around, but mostly slacking and finally chilling enough to read. Oh yes, I read the Mortal Instruments series. And the prequel-trilogy, the Infernal Devices. More on that later as well.
August- Mostly staying at home, and well, wasting my time. Just what I wanted right? Well, yeah. I know I promised to do the once a week thing, and I will be writing again, I promise. I hope. Well, nothing much this month so far. I got my results, which were satisfactory, and I’m happy with it. It was better than I expected, anyway. Oh yeah, and one of my best friends have just left for America to continue her studies, so that’s sad.
And quite recently, a few things happened which have thrown me so off guard I just want to run and hide and never look back. I’m a coward like that. I like to run away from things. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I’m not tough, but I get going anyway. I guess writing is a way of running, since all I do is ramble on and on without coming to a conclusion. But at least I feel better after that. Or at least, I’m hoping to feel better after this.
The first: some things have happened between friends and this has put me in a difficult situation. No one pushed me into it, but that does not make me feel any better about it, since I care about them both and I want to help. But, this is really weighing down on me and as always, if I don’t have to, I won’t do anything about it. At this point, I don’t have to. But there’s something or someone in the back of my head that keeps nagging at me to try to help. The thing is, I lose my nerve easily. Even if I do decide to help, I might not pull through. So there’s that.
The second: feelings. Specifically: other people’s feelings. It has come to my attention that someone has romantic feelings for me and I do not like it, because I do not feel the same way. It was … friendly, at first. So of course, being as dense as I was, I didn’t see it. But eventually, I started to see it. And that made me uncomfortable, so I stopped talking to unsaid person and … just stopped. Yeah. I really hoped that unsaid person, um, let’s call him … Abe. Yeah. I hoped Abe would get the message, but he didn’t and I am now feeling uncomfortable with the situation. I am a non-confrontational person. I do not like conflict. If there is a problem, I would not like to be there. I am now the problem, and the situation. There is no way out because I am not the third party. I am the first. And I am at a loss for what to do. I usually have a friend to talk to about this. But that friend has recently left me to study on another continent, and she’s settling in so I don’t want to disturb her about some boy problem. I’m not sure if I want to talk to anyone else about it yet, either. I might, eventually.
The third: university. Ugh. It’s hard, but I do bit by bit every few days or so, and so far I actually have been making progress, so that’s good. I have two unis in mind and I haven’t submitted any applications yet, because I want to contact some agents first, and I have yet to do so. I should probably get on that. And find another uni just for backup, in case I can’t get in any. Right. Yeah.
I think that covers it all, so far. I’m sorry for being a lazy piece of nutcracker, and I’ll be back soon.
I also realize that this all seems depressing. It’s not, hahaha. I have many happy memories also. Speaking of memories, I “accidentally” reset my phone, so I have lost half a year of my life in photos. Great. Yeah, that’s sad. (It’s not, I promise.)