Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten the challenge. It has been going slow.Like, really slow. I haven’t even finished a book yet. I did start picking up a few more though, which has been a habit in the recent years of my life. I tend to get distracted easily. My thoughts are all over the place. Also classes have started up again and this term is my final term so my final grade depends on it, so I should at least try to take this seriously as soon as possible. I realize the previous sentence may cause some misunderstandings if context is not given.
I am a lazy person. So lazy I can barely take care of my own skin
properly. That’s because I get lazy about everything, including eating, showering, sleeping, lying down, and taking care of my own dog, which I find is most shameful of all. As so it should, because I am a terrible dog owner and while I love animals, I constantly question my ability to be responsible for one. I should also point out that being a pet owner means being responsible for another life until they die. I don’t know about you but I don’t think I can handle that. Anyway, a friend said something which I think it really genius so I will pass it on because I realize I do too, think the same way: I don’t want children, because I am a terrible person in general, and I can’t imagine having to raise someone like me. That is how far I go into laziness. Of course, there are things like environmental influences and such, but I digress (I’ve always wanted to use that word).
Studying, however is a different story. I am what people would’ve called a ‘bright’ student. Lessons were usually interesting to me and I could (for the most part) pick the lessons up pretty quickly. So tests were not that hard for me. Most of the time I didn’t even have to ‘study’ because I remember most of the lessons taught in classes and only had to revise what I remembered and/or what the teachers said. I’m not trying to brag or anything, I’m just saying that as a child and pre-teen it was not a challenge for me to get good grades. However, taking in the points of the education system and how tests are set I have to say that it did not amount to much. Plus, they were mostly (if not all) memory based (except Math, I think).
It wasn’t until I reached Form 4 that things hard actually started to become a challenge for me and even then it wasn’t impossibly hard, it just actually required effort because for once my brain couldn’t keep up with the information shoved into my brain. Math was also starting to turn my rusty gears (although I did have a lot of help from that tuition center which while I didn’t exactly enjoyed it, I am very grateful for the fact that I pushed through and completed the course). I have to mention that this was only the case halfway through the year.
I’ve forgotten where I wanted to go with this.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m fucked up. Excuse the language.
Okay I’ll elaborate. I’m saying that I’m finding it a lot more difficult to study now more than ever. Which is not a surprise, because luck and winging it couldn’t keep me afloat forever. But the thing is, I do find my classes more and more interesting. Like, they are hard af yes, but usually I’m actually thinking about more and more things as the lesson progresses, things actually related to the subject, mind you. I am curious about many things. I just don’t have the effort to pursue most of them, if any.
Probably what I had in mind.
I should go sleep now. I stayed up until 5 last night because I wanted to finish watching a Korean drama. Which I did.
Also it’s a friend’s birthday. Happy birthday you crazy.
Happy White Day. For the asexuals, just go buy yourself chocolate. You don’t need their love. You need chocolate. I need chocolate. I’m tired.