You know I’ve always thought that, since I was the one who never reached out, it’d make sense for me not to have close companions that called up or texted every now and then. But now, I am reaching out. I just always seem to pull my hand back when they face me. and I always seem to use the word ‘I’ when I think. It’s always about me. Me, I, myself. Me, me, me. Have I always been this selfish? I have no idea. I can’t seem to get my head around the fact that I’m so self-centered. People out there are dying from poverty, disease, war, lack of clean water and I’m just sitting here facing my laptop thinking about how sad I am and how my life sucks and my personality stinks and how I can never seem to get my head straight and all those things about myself. That’s a lot of ‘me’s. Maybe the world is punishing me by making me punishing myself. You see, there I go again. Exactly how long does it take for me to get it through to my head that this world, heck, this universe does not revolve around me and my petty little problems? So my feelings got hurt. Someone died in a battlefield. So I feel a little lonely. Someone’s parent got murdered. So I just want someone to comfort me. Somebody has just lost their loved one from disease. Why do I keep thinking about myself when the world is so big and so complex and so out there? … Maybe it’s too big and too complex and too out there. Maybe, I’m the one blocking myself from seeing the world. The world is full of places to be and people to see and food to eat and culture to experience and history to know and animals to love and protect and be captivated with. So why can’t I just pull myself together long enough to see that I can be part of that? All these why’s and how’s are of my own thoughts, my own ideas and beliefs. I just have to take that leap. I just can’t. I’m too afraid. Lost inside my own mind, too far down that rabbit hole. The ladder up is right beside me, but I seem to just grab that shovel and keep digging my way down. Looking for another Wonderland when the world is up ahead. Wow. When did I get so negative in life?