Stress. It’s the only word I can think of to explain this. I’m stressed out. Stressed about school, about me, about my friends, about my life, my future, my everything. What am I gonna do about life? Am I really capable of studying A levels? What do I really want to do after my A levels? Do I really want to do to ‘Murica? Do I really want to be a zoologist? What are my other options? Is UC Davis really where I want to go? Is this how I want to live my life? How do I want to live my life in the future? Career options? How do I even survive?
I’m just a blob of grey questions. What on Earth am I doing with my life? I can’t be an adult. How am I gonna live like this? Every decision sends in a wave of nerves, every question feels so unanswered. Where did I get lost from the trail of life? When did I lose what I was so confident about being? Or was I even sure about being anything?
Questions to answer. Decisions to make. Options to choose. Everything I have to do. Well, what about the things I want to do? I want to stop. To take a break from life. To just drop everything and run to Narnia. I can’t escape. There is no escape. There is only procrastination and that isn’t getting me anywhere. I’m just so stressed out, so scared of everything. Little things tip me over the edge. Not seeing dinner on the table when I come home. My sister telling me to do something. Doing adult things terrifies me. I’m so scared. I keep freaking out and I just feel like crying every single day for whatever reason.
the Pocket Monster.